No Sex Please – Mother Can Hear!

For the past few years, communication in this house has been intolerable.  My mother’s hearing has gotten so bad in the last little while that the only way to communicate with her was by shouting and when you shout, it sounds like you are angry and screaming.  That’s what happens when you raise your voice louder than normal.  During the summer when the windows and doors were open, I was very careful not to say too much to my mother for fear that the neighbours might hear what might have been construed as verbal abuse.  When my mother would turn on the TV, she would have it at the maximum volume and we would jokingly tell her that the neighbours had turned off their TV volume as they were listening to ours.  My father, whose hearing is just marginally better than my mother’s, would often ask what all the screaming was about.  Not screaming dad; just trying to communicate.

This week, mother got new hearing aids.  Hallelujah! They are the cadillac of hearing aids, and they should be for the hefty price that was charged for them. She hears really well…in fact, too well.  Today, she told me that they were not working properly because she could hear her breathing.  Because of a lung condition, mother’s breathing is raspy and crackly.  I can hear it when I’m beside her, but she has never heard this sound before – a totally foreign sound.  I suppose this is what it feels like when a deaf person gets a cochlear implant and hears sound for the very first time.  Well, all I can say now is that I have to watch my potty mouth when I swear in frustration, and my daughter cannot sneak in the boyfriend through the side-door anymore.  She hears all! We’re doomed.

No Sex Please – Mother is Listening!


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